Death to the human race

A reply to questions raised by one of my Live Journal entries:

When did I abandon the idea that the best thing to do with mankind would be to kill most of it off so there'd be an educable residue?

You know my recollection is that I was pretty serious about the idea as a teenager. All I remember of my scheme was the hope that very powerful Tesla coils could be used to wipe out technology. Not sure how I thought that would be followed up (or how large a portion of mankind doesn't depend on technology). Aside from that I remember planning to force members of the surviving races to interbreed so that racism wouldn't be a possibility.

I think my young self gained enough awareness to realize that even if someone made himself dictator of the race there was no way to be sure that his plans would be followed. Particularly since it would take generations and there was no way to control the behavior of your successors.

When Columbine happened it had no trouble empathizing how wholly disconnected from other people they must've been. And the hate and rage. Probably the supreme bit of luck of my life was escaping all that. Getting out of school and leaving home were all it took for me. Still it took a long time to disentangle myself from the malignant misanthropy. I think I owe the latter to the growth of empathy. Probably one of the reasons I count empathy as one of the great virtues above verbal skill and intellectual power.

Mostly I baffled my teachers. An unimaginative lot who probably saw me as either a stereotype of troubled youth or figured I'd grow out of it (as much as I hate to admit it the latter were right). A couple I managed to intimidate intellectually. And I'm grateful to the small group whose classes I enjoyed. My high school mathematics teacher with whom I could share the beauty of manipulating symbols. And I'm glad to be able to remember the name of Shirley Jordan, my last English teacher. She was a smart but conventional woman who talked to me as one intelligent person to another. I discovered my sexuality after I was out of high school but I went and came out to her.

In Durham I know an impressively urbane man, learned in obscure byways. He enjoys teaching at the School of Science and Math. A slice of his students have been my customers. Wholly devoid of any desire to emulate him I can only marvel.