Gay man: straight friends

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A comment left on the prior post made me think again: most of my friends are heterosexual men. Almost seems odd from someone who calls himself a pansexual sodomite.

Well you see I'm one of those strong silent types. OK I'm not at all social.

I was sociable enough as a young kid. We moved to another part of Savannah, GA about the time I turned ten. It was then I became sharply less social. Not extremely so. I had friends. And formed one of the great friendships of my life. But I was more odd man out.

By Junior High School (Middle School if you were raised in some part of the US) I had less and less to do with the other students. I had one good friend. But the majority of my peers …

Like many bright, inner-directed kids I didn't think of them as my peers. Increasingly I thought of them as loathsome, inferior things that would be swept off into some dustbin if only People Like Me could take over. You may have been there, done that.

My misanthropy wasn't a good thing but it wasn't hurtful. I had my comic books, physics books, later literature and philosophy books.

About eighteen I realized that what I'd like to do more than anything in the world was get in bed with another boy. And I left Savannah.

Discarding the geography that confined you can be a great liberator. Nothing makes you more amiable than lust.

In Atlanta I'd meet lots of gay guys and hung out with street people. Was a bit of a grubby looking street person myself at times. More than one person seemed to think I was going to mug them. Or available for cash on delivery.

Going from a quiet milquetoast momma's boy to hanging out with junkies and ravenously flirtatious gay boys shows how quickly my shell dropped away..

Lived with a woman for a few years. In San Francisco most of her friends were gay men (she was bisexual). We moved around the country, establishing no roots nor lasting friendships.

Not long after opening up the bookshop in Durham she left me. I wanted know relationship, I told myself, with either sex. Nor sex itself (what a self-damning clown). My force field went back up, powered by nuclear reactors.

Most of the folks I got to know were people who came into the shop. The majority population being heterosexual, naturally the folks I came to talk with deeply enough to call friends were straight. And for whatever reason male.

The day came when my sexuality returned. I never liked gay bars. I mostly went to them with someone I was in love with who did nothing but teach me the dangers of careless, reckless romantic passion. So I wasn't part of the most common place in which to acquire gay friends.

Thanks to the web I met a number of gay people. One became my lover but none my pals.

I have one gay friend who visits Durham from time to time. It is always a great treat to see him. Mostly because he's a swell fellow. That he has an enormous gift for cheap, unbridled hedonism and is a gay man makes it even more enjoyable. (Hi M., are you reading this?)

On a fancy plane of abstraction I'd like to have more gay friends. In my life as it is lived I know a number of kind, smart, compassionate, funny people. That they haven't spend their idle hours contemplating the beauty of the male butt is OK.

As it should be.

My entry on my business partner: the best friend anyone could have.

Earlier: Unsociable Richard


I am still a quiet milquetoast momma’s boy.

I too only have one gay friend in the flesh (whom I met in planetout) and he’s hooked up nicely now. But we still email each other, exchange gifts, and get together for drinks.

It’s really nice to have people around that you can mention something and there is instant recognition from someone being on the same page.

Oh well. I’m still not planning on assimilating into gay culture.

I met my gay friend when he came to the shop to track down the books that his boyfriend had sold. We didn’t really become friends until seven years ago when my sexuality returned and I became a gay man again (instead of sort of neuter).

To a limited degree we share the same taste in guys and it is nice to be able to talk superficially about that. And about queer life in general.

No, I don’t see you being assimilated into much of anything. Thank goodness.

One of our dearest friends came out recently, largely to himself. (He was surprised that the reaction of those closest to him was, “FINALLY!”) Anyway, he’s trying to figure out how to meet other gay men, and is quite stumped. You’d think it would be fairly easy here around Atlanta, but it isn’t for him. He doesn’t drink and knows he doesn’t want to go near bars. Most of his interests are quite geeky, and if there are queer groups related to them, we haven’t found them.

In some of my old entries I wrote about meeting guys in Atlanta and SF using personal ads in the 70s and using, yahoo, aol &etc. in the 90s. I met the guy that I live with on AOL. It was the only reason that I added an AOL account. When I lived in Atlanta I worked on a gay newspaper. The guys I met that way were a nice fringe benefit. Depending on his inclinations there are probably gay charities, pride events. Sometimes if you dig deeply enough you’ll find very specialized groups or just general social clubs of gay men who don’t care for bars.

If I were looking to meet more local gay guys I’d find their weblogs and leave comments when the writer sounded interesting.

hi , i am a cute boy in china , i am lonly , want to have a big brother can love me , and i love him also , so this is my site with my pic if you like just write to

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My Life is an Open Blog , Sodomitical Polity
Gay man: straight friends
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