Goodbye to 2003

I've never written a New Year's Day entry making resolutions or looking back at the year we've swept off into the bin.

I began the year with uncertainty about my relationship with Charles and I end it that way. Now I have a date by which I have to feel more confidence if not certainty. I'm not one to look back with regret but I can't deny that I've squandered much of the time I've had and must husband the uncertain amount left.

I'm one of those silly romantics, perhaps too forgiving, very trusting. Nor would I wish to be another kind of man. That doesn't mean that I should allow myself to live week-to-week as if in a serial drama where the coda is always a tritely suspenseful "To be continued … "

Culturally the year began well enough, I was reading steadily. A life without new knowledge or an aesthetic tingle is a life not worth having. The last couple of months I've read little.

Being in the used compact disc I never want for fresh music to appraise. I've discovered new to me singers like Jeanie Bryson but no one that I want to write about. With the three thousandish CDs I own of music ranging from 1920s vocal harmony to 2003 electronica I'll never have given most of the music that I own a fair hearing.

I saw many gay movies this year. My list of what I enjoyed would be unsurprising (and since I didn't blog them often enough, the titles are barely remembered).

One of my weblogs is popular after a fact. Sex sells, especially if it is free. Another has likeminded readers, which is reward enough. Even this weblog has a small group of steady readers.

Being alive still keeps my curiosity alive. I greet new days with an expectant smirk. My momma loved me unquestioningly and that has always left me able to expect the best however wrongheaded that often proves to be.