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We make a mistake if we believe that only the violent passions like ambition and love can subdue the others. Laziness, for all her languor, is nevertheless often mistress: she permeates every aim and action in life and imperceptibly eats away and destroys passions and virtues alike.

Of all the passions the least understood by us is laziness; it is the most indefatigable and the most malign of them all, although its outrages are imperceptible.

- La Rochefoucauld

With my Netflix account on hold Charles and I went to a Visart, the local fairly decent independent video rental shop in Durham. What did we rent? Season Five of Friends. If you knew me you'd know that I'm not the kind of guy who ordinarily watches much less rents the shenanigans of a group of 'twentysomething" heterosexuals in Manhattan.

Friends came along with Charles. The scripts are OK, Schwimmer, Perry and Kudrow are tolerable enough actors (Kudrow perhaps more, not that any of the movies I've lived up the promise I surmised). Watching Friends was one of those little compromises you make when you are living with someone.

Actually Friends is a little cringeful in one respect: male touching. Though supposedly all best of friends, an accidentally prolonged touch or reference to male intimacy always prompt embarrassment. And the frequent need for one of the male characters to make it clear he's not 'that way (yuck!).'

I never have understood why Chandler/Perry was supposed to strike people as gay. Guess it was just an example of something foolish and embarrassing.

Not that I want to bitch about the sitcom. I want to bitch about Charles.

I rented the DVDs as a way of spending time with Charles. We got home about two in the afternoon. I don't watch television that early (particularly something like a modern sitcom which tends to be soporific). Charles knows that. Charles started without me. This pissed me off mightily.

Charles would've watched them again with me (he has a sad addiction to television). I found his attitude selfish. And dangerously foolish. I've made it clear to him that we can't continue to live together unless he overcomes his pathological laziness and makes an effort to keep the house clean. Right now my home looks like a crack den.

Charles and I have had three big problems in our life together. One demon is at bay if not defeated. Another may be fixable though I'm skeptical. But out relationship may go out whimperingly from simple laziness.


LOL. I don’t mean to laugh at your plight but the reference to your house being a “crack den” was funny. I can relate to living with a slob. My ex partner is a slob and that is one of the reasons he is an ex.

I am a television addict, but would never rent any season of Friends on DVD. There actually are really good television shows out there: Six Feet Under, Sex and the City, The Office, to name a few.

You’re a nicer guy than I am.

I’ll pull you aside (one time) and politely explain to you that not helping me keep the place clean is showing me contempt and disrespect. If you respect me that little that you can’t help keep the place clean then you can’t live here. I’ll make sure to point out that I’m not mad or upset but I’ll make it very clear. And I’ll end it by saying something like this.

You have a decision to make. You’ll either help clean or you’ll find another place to live. Your call. I’m not going to nag you, I’m not going to make lists, and I’m not going to tell you what to do or what needs to be done.

Its 100% your decision.

I’ll give you till the end of the month to decide.


Laughing is fine. On second thought though I don’t know if a self-respecting crack whore would put up with his mess.


There’s a big difference between enjoying pop culture and just passively absorbing it as a way to avoid doing ordinary needful things.

Charles likes all those as well (I only care for the latter two). Before I turned the cable service off we were mostly watching the HBO/Shotime series.

I miss some of it but can catch up when it comes out on DVD.


Charles does need to be told what to do. That is OK as long as he does it.

Both of our names are on the title deed so I can’t just tell him to get out. So our house functions the way a child does in failed heterosexual marriages. If I thought we could sell the house for what we owe the mortgage company I might force him into court. But we can’t and I’d just find myself sued by Wells Fargo.

A complicated mess.

Friends bites. As you know, I am fond of many pop culture flufferies, but pandering sitcoms almost never tweak my interest. Unfortunately my wife & inlaws were quite fond of that show. While they’d watch, I’d entertain myself by making sarcastic comments. The only parts that held my interest were tight sweaters on some of the cast members.

Your feelings?

Please share your feelings about Laziness.

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