On having an open nature

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Matt and Julio dropped by my used bookshop today and we got a chance to talk. I found myself in an oddly confiding mood at one instance.

Later I wondered why. Possibly weariness and distraction (I was in the midst of pricing a collection of Sherlockiana when they arrived). Might’ve been simply that since he’s been reading my weblog he has some notion of “our story so far.” Matt has reminded me a bit of one of my best friends, one of the two friendships I credit for helping me remain reasonably clearheaded. My friend, Victor, was permanently pissed and society and haunted by ethics. I see – perhaps inject some of that into Matt. Lots of people are equally haunted and pissed. Really sometimes I get tired of them whining about it. (Should I change the name of my weblog to Life isn’t fair, get over it?). I’m going to hate myself in the morning for saying this – I even checked a thesaurus to avoid it – but it may be that I only find those qualities likeable when they are filtered through a kind of manliness.

Then again I’ve often been a confiding kind of guy. I’m asocial as hell. But once my carefully maintained force field is passed I’m usually cheerfully as open as I can be. Probably necessary for someone with my worldview: once you’ve dealt with the portions of reality that can be explained by astrophysics and biochemistry, truth becomes personal. It is born from what you’ve read, who you’ve known, one’s experience.