Queer sexuality: finding out, coming out

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National Coming Out Day is tomorrow. Below are short extracts and links to my own story of discovering my queer sexuality and telling most of the people I knew about the happy surprise.

Frustrated young lust seems to often presage defeated lives. Easily I can imagine myself having gone that route. Fat and monstrously misanthropic I wouldn’t have been an attractive partner for bed or otherwise for anyone; at least if I’d continued to think myself heterosexual. ...

Oh boy! Oh joy! I'm gay

Excited, I started telling people. Running into somebody I knew from Shuman Junior or Savannah High it was the first thing out of my mouth. One fellow did let me know that not only was I violating some sort of biological Prime Directive but I was also headed toward the fiery pit where the worm dieth not. ...

Hey, guess what - I'm a homo

Any of you feel like sharing something about your own discovery of your sexuality and letting the people you like and love know? Are some of you still on the other side of the closet door?

Comments

30 yr guy here

Funny I never felt the need to tell anyone I’m gay. If asked I would not deny it but the whole coming out thing is strange to me hetros do not run around announcing they are straight.

A cute story my father had a conservation with my man(M) many years ago and told him he knew everything and that he knew who M was to me.

A few years after my Dad died and before my Mom died my Mom and were out to dinner and she asked me out of the blue if I was gay. I could not help it I started laughing and when she asked me why I was laughing I said do I really have to, tell you?

She smiled and dinner went on, a note: I had been living with M for over 20 years at this point. In addition I know for a fact my Mom and Dad discussed everything together(they were married 50 years when Dad died).

I brought up the above question to my Mom a few years later on and she smiled.

I understand about taking a while to reply to my first comment, I’m happy to have a reply at all; I figured maybe you deleted it for being off-topic or some other random reason. Anyway, thanks for your encouraging words during such a difficult time.

I figured out I was only half straight at around 14 or 15, I don’t remember exactly when. Maybe that’s a little young, but I started looking at straight porn when I was 12, so maybe I’m just ahead. For a year I didn’t tell anyone except the people I knew online. All my internet friends were understanding, but I don’t exactly make a lot of Catholic friends anyway. Finally, I decided to tell some of my family.

So far, I’ve told my brother and sister. My brother, 11, understands and doesn’t say much about it. My sister finds it pretty amusing; a couple months after I came out, she told me she’s bi as well. That’s one of the most amusing things, it turns out we have similar tastes. Maybe it has something to do with genes, or (more likely) it’s because we grew up about the same way. What parts of our lives made us like long-haired guys and short-haired girls, I have no idea.

I’m putting off telling my parents mostly because I can’t seem to start the conversation. “Say, y’know what’s funny?” “Oh hey, I’m about to leave, but before I go, I’m gonna tell you something. Then I’ll run really fast.” “The Trig homework this week is about parabolas, which are curved lines. As in, not straight. Y’know what else isn’t straight?” Maybe I’m just afraid of looking stupid. I don’t think they’ll mind, and I’m sure they suspect something already. It’s mostly waiting for “the perfect time” that’s making me take forever.

Well, that’s enough rambling from me. I should be getting to bed anyway.

Far ahead of where I was at those ages. Oddly while by twelve or so I’d had a couple of failed sexual experiences with guys I had no real conception of sex. They were slightly older and obviously did. They led to nothing and I forgot about them until I came out.

Don’t think I even knew what homosexuality was exactly until about the time I figured it out. Hard to discern something if you don’t know the name for it. Funnily enough I’d forget I ever had a heterosexual thought for almost eight years.

I’m glad you do feel you can tell your folks. I don’t think I knew anybody my age whose parents didn’t find it the most horrifying revelation.

If I’d known in my mid-teens and told my father he would’ve put me in either a Christian military academy or a psychiatric institution. Aside from the normative homophobia of his time, place and class I think he had an extra fear of it. His brother was gay. One day my Uncle Carlyle brought home a couple of hustlers. When they left he went to the mental institution he lived in until the day he died.

Your feelings?

Please share your feelings about Queer sexuality: finding out, coming out.
Thanks,
Richard

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