What is your lover doesn't read your weblog?

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The Boyfriend doesn't read this weblog. He has once or twice. I know he read through the entries I wrote when his heroin overdose left him comatose in Durham Regional Hospital.

For the longest time I just shrugged my shoulders. I used it as license to write about sexuality (hence DMOZ classifying this as a sex blog). A popular topic, sex. You probably already knew that.

I could say it is amusing to see the hits that Google's clumsy recombination of words brings. That became boring a couple of years ago. Mentions of drug dealers bring visitors looking for information on independent grocers associations. Just now someone went to one of the many pages devoted to my favorite topic: feminine boys. Their search phrase was "Barbie boy." I could be accused of having a weakness for plastic guys (though not the inflatable species).

Rethinking The Boyfriend's negligent disregard of the tens of thousands of words I've written about myself I've come to feel that perhaps he doesn't really care about Richard Evans Lee.

Not that I mean he doesn't care about me. Perhaps he isn't interested in the individual but the role I have in his life.

Think for a moment. You "love" someone. They've posted scraps and extended essays about their past, made animadversions against what they despise, fondly recalled old pleasures and celebrated new discoveries.

Wouldn't you read his words?

Back in May I told The Boyfriend that my dissatisfactions were reaching critical mass and the Relationship Doomsday Clock was approaching midnight. Among the many caveats and directions I gave him was to take a look here. He never did.

He shouldn't have needed the pointer.

Hence I suspect that it isn't me that he loves. Not me qua me. He loves a man who is the other half of his long-term relationship, provider, and maintainer, the man he can depend on. But the idiosyncratic individual behind the words isn't important.

I'm a function, a role, not a person.

The sequel: Lovers who won't read your words (a followup)

Comments

An unexamined life is not worth sharing.

Aphorisms are a weakness.

His life isn’t unexamined.

I’ve been trying to find a quick way to sum it up: I thought about saying he’s an emotional black hole. Sort of true. He gets so trapped within himself.

He’s selfish. I knew that before I bought the house. But I thought it was a material selfishness, which doesn’t bother me too much. But the more I think about what his not reading what I’ve written about myself the angrier I get.

Well, not angrier: tired, very, very tired.

My bf doesn’t read my blog much either, but I don’t take offense to it. Perhaps it’s not so much that your lover doesn’t care, but that he wants to allow you the privacy and freedom to write about whatever you want (including him) without having him watch your every word.

If there are things you want to share with him, liked tidbits about your past, etc. why post it here for him to read instead of just talking and sharing with him in person?

My partner reads my blog. I’m glad that he does but I really think he reads it just so he can keep tabs on me. LOL I would hope that your BF would be interested enough in something that you enjoy so much. He should read it just to show some interest in your life aside from the basics of everyday living.

Hey there. I don’t think it’s (necessarily) a BAD thing that he does not read your blog.

Perhaps part of the reason you like(d) him is because he is simple. Simple usually means not very intellectual. You use a lot of big words and articulate difficult cerebral concepts here. Although that is why I love this site, it could also be intimidating for him. Why should he remind himself that his lover is infinitely smarter than him? I’m sure he knows and values that already.

‘Pretty’ people tend to get by a lot easier in this society than we would all like to admit. Being handsome or a hottie can mean easy money; the sex trade would not exist if it were not true. So he may not have HAD to work as hard to get what he wants. Or maybe he works on his looks/body more because it is the engine of his success. Alas looks are fleeting and this society values YOUNG pretty more than OLD pretty.

Perhaps one poster had the right idea. Flesh out the concept here and gain advice. Then find a way to use simplier language and talk to him about it.

One word of caution. A guy I recently dated was also far more simple than myself. My constant musing and thought revealing drove him away — which was the opposite of what I wanted. Instead of a strong confident man, he realized he was dating someone more insecure than he thought. Of course we all have our insecurities. But men who play the ‘wife’ role want a strong man who does not pontificate too much.

Be careful what you wish for.

recently met my ex in berlin. i preceded relaying many things that happened in my life in the past year with, “well remember what i said on my journal?” and he said, “well i haven’t been reading it.”

true, in mainland china, lj doesn’t get through.

but he’s been home to hong kong periodically. i like to think that at least i’m worth a glance now and then.

no.

well, you know, my new website, i do talk about such-and-such a topic again.

“well, i haven’t looked at your new website.”

any writer, at some level or another, secretly writes with an audience in mind. i would think that the people he/she loves is sitting among the audience.

we had a colossal argument in the streets of kreuzberg in the wee hours of the morning. i remembered saying, “six years ago, if ANYONE had been there to accept your dressing, it would have been adequate.”

i guess sometimes i too need someone to make me feel just a little special now and then.

i’ll be sure to post my reaction when it does happen.

assuming anyone is reading.

pristine

It took me a long time to start reading the bf’s blog. Not because I wasn’t interested but because it appeared to me to be an online diary and I would never read someone else’s diary — that’s too personal even within a relationship.

He reads mine but I sometimes wish he wouldn’t: there are “dear diary” type things I’d write about but wouldn’t want him to read just as I wouldn’t want him to read any paper diary I might maintain.

On another blog, the blogger’s bf read things he didn’t care for and it caused relationship problems. They resolved it by the bf agreeing not to read the blog, freeing the author to write about anything.

My husband does not read my blog. He has made the point that he isn’t the slightest bit interested in it. I told him read it or not I didn’t write it for him so it didn’t matter if he read it.

He has asked if I have blogged about things (our wedding) and reviewed (with me) what I wrote.And several of his friends have asked him for copies of my recipes and I told him all public recipes are on the blog so he can point them there if he wishes.

I think in time he will start reading it because its a part of me but I don’t push. Its totally his call and it won’t bother me if he doesn’t.

My partner is one of my two regular readers. I have two blogs: One for the world in general and one, much neglected these days, for my Leather/Pervert side.

He reads mine but I sometimes wish he wouldn’t: there are “dear diary” type things I’d write about but wouldn’t want him to read just as I wouldn’t want him to read any paper diary I might maintain.

Huh? You’ll publish it to the world, to be indexed, cached, and distributed for all time but you don’t want your boyfriend to read it?!? That seems more than a bit strange to me.

If there are things you want to share with him, liked tidbits about your past, etc. why post it here for him to read instead of just talking and sharing with him in person?

Exactly.

I’m glad my partner reads my blogs, but I don’t write for him - or anyone but myself, really. I write to clarify my own thoughts on the matter. The best way to learn is to teach. How does one “teach” without students? One writes things down - hopefully in logical, systematic way. I also use my blog as a gigantic filing system: If it interests me, I note it for future reference. Of course, it’s a write-only filing system until I get some sort of search functionality added.

I am at work so want to remain unknown however I do not keep a blog but a paper “Bile Book” where I vent my frustrations. Recently my man/partner/husband/bf of 30 years told me he has no propblem reading my writing except in the Journel I keep, where he cannot make out the words-thoughts. I write it in stream of concious thought. I was amazed he read it, I never thought he would be interested in these things I have always referred to it as my “Bile Book” to him and it is always out in full view. Topics covered in the book are being gay, discrimination, medical issues (his and mine), frustrations over our relationship, depression, health concerns, etc. My feeling is read it at your own risk even though I have a policy of telling what is on my mind the book is un-abridged so is more detailed/graphic than a conservation would be.

I also found it flattering that after 30 years he is still interested enpough to try to get in my head prehaps a good/bad thing? HmmmmmmMMMMMMM!!!

10:

I also found it flattering that after 30 years he is still interested enpough to try to get in my head …

I envy you.

Your feelings?

Please share your feelings about What is your lover doesn't read your weblog?.
Thanks,
Richard

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