So It Goes ...
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My beloved Alex is feeling flush with creativity and writing new music (and wasting time* creating game levels).
Her HRT is going well, her family life seemingly better than ever.
Emotionally I’m mostly dead. It is only by exerting sheer will power - something I’m not superabundantly supplied with - that I bring myself to do anything useful. The house is mostly in an embodiment of entropy.
Why? I don’t know. The residual effects of Charles’ death in my dining room should be long gone. Perhaps the emotional battering crippled me in a way I’ve yet to discern.
Or the never ending fight to survive financially - the real legacy of five years of love gone horrifically wrong - wears me down.
Alex will be back by the end of the year. While I don’t think her absense is the cause, the pleasure of her presence should be a palliative if not a cure.
( * Oops! Sorry honey if you saw that … )