Don't make it married vs. single gay people

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A straight friend of mine says gay people are crazy to want legal marriage: the potential economic encumbrances are formidable. My friend is in his second marriage and still paying - in the sense of having money withdrawn from his paycheck before he gets it - for his first. (If he sees this I hope he'll forgive what follows, he knows I don't think myself in a superior position.) My friend's second marriage has proven a sour disaster. If he were to try to slip out of the marriage it would leave him pauperized for many years to come. He's caught between two damnations.

Children, parents, childless adults and marriage itself are all better off when society sends a clear and unequivocal message that sex, love and marriage go together.*

I'll take any ally; tolerate any argument while those of who are queer are at war with tens of millions of intolerant homophobes. But I don't like this argument. Marriage without the special tenderness we call love and mutual sexual desire is foolish. But lots of adults, childless or otherwise are happy in their status as a 'singleton,' 'quirkyalone' or wholly independent person.

A solitary individual lives on the frontier of vulnerability. Marriage creates kin, someone whose first ''job'' is to look after you. Gay people, like straight people, become ill or exhausted or despairing and need the comfort and support that marriage uniquely provides.

A good marriage provides. Often the care and concern comes from good friends. Plenty of people of all sexual orientations are happy to be alone. If they are smart and kind they have a network of friends who help and care for them.

Gay people should be allowed to marry because they want to. We don't need to invoke civilization or noble unions. We've stepped beyond the ages when people bonded into societies for mere survival. One of the most basic documents underpinning America states the individual's right to pursue happiness. This was a rewording of John Locke's assertion that of a right to secure property.

We have a right to be happy, to visit our loved ones in the hospital, to give them our property without a family member taking it away because we're gay. That is all that needs to be said.

Jonathan Rauch, Power of Two

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Listed below are links to weblogs that reference Don't make it married vs. single gay people:

» The war against gay Americans from Amorous Propensities : sex is funny, sex is sad
Most of my life I’ve held myself as aloof as possible from political wrangling. Few things bring out the least interesting in people. But the Republicans icy ploy of using American Christian fundamentalists’ aversion to same-sex marriage ma... [Read More]


Exactly! We should have the right to pursue happiness, enter into the same legal agreements and love whoever and however we want - regardless of our sexual orientation. I watch the news and get irritated and the level of ignorance and lack of tolerance in a country that is supposedly founded on the just the opposite.

As Big Gay Al says: Uh oh, look out, it’s the oppressors. Christians and Republicans and Nazis, oh my!

Perhaps not relevant, but I’m a sucker for a little comic relief. On a side note: I thoroughly enjoy reading your weblog.

Thanks! Jesse

i want to make a friendship with you

I don’t understand how everyone thinks that there is a war against gay people. If humans are supposed to be gay wouldn’t gay people be able to produce children. If everyone became gay like liberals and democrats want, then how would the human species continue after fifty years? Without any more children our race would extinct. I’m not a homophobe, I even have gay friends but I don’t appreciate it when gay people treat straight people and christians like trash just because we don’t share their lifestyle. From where I come from gay people don’t even need to be married and they don’t want to be married (This is no lie). My gay friends are happy as lovers because they say that its not natural for to men to be married. This is not me saying this but my gay friend made that comment to me a couple of days ago when I was talking to him about this subject after he told off another friend of mine just because she is a christian. It’s odd that gay people complain about being stereotyped and martyred around the world yet I have never found a less accepting group of people than gay people. All the gay people I have ever met have always had something in common, they hate anyone who isn’t gay. I’m the only straight person that my gay friends will talk to because they say I’m not your stereotypical heterosexual. Isn’t that prejudice right there? The fact that they won’t treat people right that they haven’t ever met just because they aren’t gay like them? The list of people that my gay friends hate include the following: straights, African Americans, Mexicans (known to them as wetbacks and fence jumpers), Latinos, Canadians (refered to as Canucks), Foriegners that have moved to the U.S., Republicans, Christians, Females that don’t let them feel them up whenever they want to (Why do gay guys want to feel up chicks anyways?), Jews, and basically anyone not gay. I believe you have the right to be gay, that is your choice and there is no shame in that. You shouldn’t have to be scared to go outside if your gay, but, on the flip side gay people should not treat straight people like crap just because they aren’t gay or don’t support you being gay. They don’t have to support you being gay because it wasn’t their choice, it was yours so there is no reason to whine around because a pastor preaches from the pulpit that you shouldn’t be gay. In the Bible it says not to be gay so if your a christian (and I know your not but just hear me out)you shouldn’t support gay people. Although they have no right to slander you, you also have no right to slander them because them believing the Bible was a choice just like your choice to be gay. You are wrong if you say that Christians are jerks just because they don’t support gay rights movements. That is their choice just like your choice to be gay. I really don’t see any need for gay people to get married. All of my gay friends are gay just for the sex. I honestly don’t believe gay people should be allowed to adopt because I believe that if gay people should have kids then they would be able to produce them on their own. I really hope you post this because it’s not a gay-hate text or some conversion message. I am just tired of seeing gay people stereotype everyone else and treat them like crap. Like I said earlier I have gay friends and would do anything to help them, I just don’t understand how gay people think they should be able to put everyone else down and yet not get any retaliation from anyone else.

wow. i don’t think i’ve ever seen anything quite so deliciously circular.

you should go in for stand-up comedy, gravy.

i think that gay people should be able to get married because if you just let them get married than you dont have to worry about all of the arguments also because if you look it up our founders weren’t christian also because it is not religous its civil im not gay but i agree that they should be able to get married!

I find it interesting that some of Gravey’s homosexual friends are racist, straight, etc. What they are participating in is almost like a double standard. They, deep down, want to be accepted, and yet they will not accept anyone else. I mean, come on, you have to give a little to get a little. Also, Even if where people come from, gay couples do not want to get married, some still do in other places and they should have that right just as much as anyone else!

PS I am Canadian, thank you very much!

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