Don't make it married vs. single gay people
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A straight friend of mine says gay people are crazy to want legal marriage: the potential economic encumbrances are formidable. My friend is in his second marriage and still paying - in the sense of having money withdrawn from his paycheck before he gets it - for his first. (If he sees this I hope he'll forgive what follows, he knows I don't think myself in a superior position.) My friend's second marriage has proven a sour disaster. If he were to try to slip out of the marriage it would leave him pauperized for many years to come. He's caught between two damnations.
Children, parents, childless adults and marriage itself are all better off when society sends a clear and unequivocal message that sex, love and marriage go together.*
I'll take any ally; tolerate any argument while those of who are queer are at war with tens of millions of intolerant homophobes. But I don't like this argument. Marriage without the special tenderness we call love and mutual sexual desire is foolish. But lots of adults, childless or otherwise are happy in their status as a 'singleton,' 'quirkyalone' or wholly independent person.
A solitary individual lives on the frontier of vulnerability. Marriage creates kin, someone whose first ''job'' is to look after you. Gay people, like straight people, become ill or exhausted or despairing and need the comfort and support that marriage uniquely provides.
A good marriage provides. Often the care and concern comes from good friends. Plenty of people of all sexual orientations are happy to be alone. If they are smart and kind they have a network of friends who help and care for them.
Gay people should be allowed to marry because they want to. We don't need to invoke civilization or noble unions. We've stepped beyond the ages when people bonded into societies for mere survival. One of the most basic documents underpinning America states the individual's right to pursue happiness. This was a rewording of John Locke's assertion that of a right to secure property.
We have a right to be happy, to visit our loved ones in the hospital, to give them our property without a family member taking it away because we're gay. That is all that needs to be said.
Jonathan Rauch, Power of Two