Sissified Semicolons

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Semicolons are Just so Gay!

I stick with my old copy of Microsoft Word because nothing else I’ve tried has a comparable spelling dictionary. And I tend to pbey the software’s monitions about semicolons.

My knowledge of theory of the semicolon is weak. Diagramming sentences always sent me off into the self-serving abstraction of childhood.

I doubt any of my teachers ever lept upon the semicolon thusly:

Noted novelist reveals sexual prejudice:

Kurt Vonnegut called the marks “transvestite hermaphrodites representing absolutely nothing.”

A less surprising though more consciously comic voice:

[James] Kilpatrick, in a 2006 column, restated those sentiments at a higher pitch, calling the semicolon “girly,” “odious,” and “the most pusillanimous, sissified, utterly useless mark of punctuation ever invented.”

One can only wonder what some say about commas.

The punctuation mark that makes men tremble


Well, I certainly don’t find the semicolon useless at all! It might be considered a little flashy, overly pretensious, and certainly pompous. Semicolons add sparkle and jazz to paragraphs; they add sentence variety. Without them, I personally find some people’s writing dull and drab.

I can see someone calling them outlandishly gay-because we are the spice of life-but not sissified nor girly. Gentleman, look how it hangs there so powerfully!

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