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Semicolons are Just so Gay!
I stick with my old copy of Microsoft Word because nothing else I’ve tried has a comparable spelling dictionary. And I tend to pbey the software’s monitions about semicolons.
My knowledge of theory of the semicolon is weak. Diagramming sentences always sent me off into the self-serving abstraction of childhood.
I doubt any of my teachers ever lept upon the semicolon thusly:
Noted novelist reveals sexual prejudice:
Kurt Vonnegut called the marks “transvestite hermaphrodites representing absolutely nothing.”
A less surprising though more consciously comic voice:
[James] Kilpatrick, in a 2006 column, restated those sentiments at a higher pitch, calling the semicolon “girly,” “odious,” and “the most pusillanimous, sissified, utterly useless mark of punctuation ever invented.”
One can only wonder what some say about commas.