Today & etc.
Charles slept until about 4:30 p.m. My day has been pretty vacant excepting for going to check on or lie beside him. Brain foggy from fear and lack of rest. Back aching from the awful chair in the ER. I'm inured to tiredness so I don't mind much. And still enlived by gratitude that the guy who I'll mushily confess is the focus of my life is alive and not facing a long sentence to the hospital.
Charles and I both have memories of seeing ad for a particular movie. In the movie the groom realizes that he's really in love with a guy. Don't care if the movie is any good or not - just what is the title. Just the irritation of memory balked.
<strong>Proof of my damnation</strong>
Many years ago when while restlessly flipping through the cable TV channels I'd sometimes light on MTV. Often with the sound off. Catching the video of George Michael's <em>Freedom</em> I was puzzled. The imagery seemed to suggest an affirmation of queerness. So I turned on the sound. Even though the lyrics didn't really cohere fragments like the "clothes do not make the man", "there's something you ought to know", "there's something deep inside of me" and "there's someone I forgot to be" could be easily made to fit. But nothing definite and I didn't want to fall for that old gay <em>faux pas</em> of seeing queerness where it isn't.
Anyway, I liked the song. And found I liked <em>Father Figure</em> and <em>I Want Your Sex</em>. But liking them didn't make me feel I should have them around the house. I forgot about him.
I learned to not despise the music at the top of the charts long ago. Much of it is revered today or at least object of warm nostaligia that only a prig would despise.
Then he got caught in <em>flagrante delicto</em>. (What is it abour Brits and sex in the loo?) Since he didn't hem or haw I didn't despise his closetedness much. Actually I wished him well. Visibility is demthologizing which was one of the real blessings of the integration of public schools.
So I'm sampling <em>Ladies & Gentlemen : The Best of George Michael</em>. I don't know that I'm won over. But I'm often so indecisive about music that I could be mistaken for feeble-minded.
Maybe he'll eventually go the way of the Pet Shop Boys and sing openly homoerotic songs. Neil Tennant isn't Billie Holiday but its "awful nice/like paradise" to hear an openly gay man sing about love.
Which reminds me I need to sample my Dead or Alive CD. Peter Burns isn't my idea of a beautiful androgne but his genderedness is in the right place. (Speaking of man who once enacted devasting androgyny: Tim Curry will be playing Mr. French in the new version of <em>Family Affair</em>. These indeed are the last days.)
Maybe I'll be really damned if I decide I want <em>The Best of Wham!: If You Were There...</em>